forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
