Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
