ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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