If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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