I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
