Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
