Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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