it was like eating out sand paper
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
