Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
