btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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