I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
