In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
