I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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