If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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