I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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