apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
