this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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