i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
