Pappa wants mamma naked
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
