I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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