My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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