Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
