I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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