dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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