she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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