Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
