ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
