absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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