if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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