wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
