i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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