do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
