Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
