My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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