no, he came in my armpit
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think your dad took our porno
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
