No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize