drinking out of a sandbucket again
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
