hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
