Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just found a bag of teeth...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
