so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I cockslap morals
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
