when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize