Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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