Umm I'm too high to move.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
