dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
