I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
