Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
