Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
