i can't believe i had my finger in that
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
