Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
