Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I will die if light touches me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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