how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Every concussion has its silver lining
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If I die, sorry about rent.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize