my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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