I'm lost and stupid without you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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