Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
