Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
