I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
