i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
only if we run a train.
done.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
