Do you still have your period?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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