So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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