I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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