You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
