I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
