2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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