Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize