I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
