you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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