dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
dude. I can hear the air.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
