Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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