She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You left your underwear on the fireplace
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
