I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
