I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You can't motorboat a personality
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
