Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
