in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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