I'm really into asian looking animals
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
