saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
