I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
