Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
