the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
