TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
