she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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