He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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