My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My pussy is not your playground.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
