You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize