i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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