Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize