I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
