I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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