Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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