she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
