Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
